SameSexAttraction.org

Why Try to Change Same-sex Attraction?

For people who have strong personal values or religious beliefs that oppose homosexual behavior, it may not be an option to suppress the feelings or to pursue the attractions. Their only healthy option is to resolve the problem by identifying the needs that cause the attractions and filling them in legitimate ways.

You may be struggling to make sense of same-sex attractions in light of your personal values and religious beliefs. Your same-sex feelings are very real and strong and in spite of your efforts to suppress these feelings, they don’t go away. What do you do if the same-gender attractions don't match your personal values or religious beliefs? The response of many people in this situation is to (1) try to suppress the feelings and live their values and beliefs or (2) pursue the attractions and try to change their values and beliefs.

Neither of these options work for people who have moral convictions or religious beliefs that oppose homosexual behavior. Rejecting such beliefs may not be possible, but suppressing the feelings won’t make them go away either. Suppression means a continual struggle where, at best, you are celibate but miserable, and at worst, lead a double life by pretending to be a religious person but secretly engaging in homosexual behavior. Many individuals who decide to change their same-sex attractions do so because of their moral convictions.

Same-sex attraction is symptomatic of other problems

One of the reasons same-sex attraction is difficult to address is that it is not the real problem. Focusing too much on same-sex attractions can actually be misleading, since they are symptoms of deeper struggles, such as rejection, envy, abuse, self-perception, gender identity, distrust, or fear. However, it may be difficult to recognize this because you may be a master at hiding the real issues in your life. You may hide things from others and even from yourself. Many of these issues are common and others vary from person to person. Once you identify the causes of your painful hunger you can learn ways to feed the hunger in appropriate, nonsexual ways. Once you resolve the underlying problems, you will find that the same-sex attractions resolve themselves.

Why is same-sex attraction a problem?

Your sexual attraction toward other men distorts healthy, loving relationships and can steer you away from the blessings that can be found in marriage and family relationships. It diverts capable men from the roles of husband and father.

Homosexual behavior is of particular concern because it violates God’s commandments and blocks your eternal progress. God created His children as male and female (see Genesis 1:27). He wants men and women to join with each other under the covenant of marriage to procreate and fulfill their eternal destiny. In His eternal plan, there are no classifications of homosexuals, bisexuals, or heterosexuals. We are all on this earth having a human experience with various challenges to overcome so we can become the true men, women, husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers that God wishes us to be.

Distinction between feelings and behavior

There is a distinction between having sexual thoughts or feelings and participating in sexual behavior. The feelings that trigger your same-sex attractions emerged through no fault of your own. Since you made no conscious choice for them, you should not feel guilty for having them. However, you can choose how to respond to the attractions and should not deliberately feed the feelings by fantasizing and turning them into lustful thoughts. However, such thoughts and feelings, regardless of their causes, can be overcome. You are responsible for your agency in the thoughts you entertain. Although lustful thoughts are less serious than immoral behavior, such thoughts also need to be resisted. Lustful thoughts (and the less serious feelings that lead to them) can bring about behavior that is destructive.

Homosexual behavior

The scriptures are clear in condemning homosexual practices. "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet" (Romans 1:26–27; KJV, emphasis added).

Prophets of God have repeatedly taught through the ages that fornication, adultery, and homosexual relations are grievous sins. Sexual relations outside the bonds of marriage are forbidden by God. God's law of moral conduct is abstinence outside of lawful marriage and fidelity within marriage. Sexual relations are proper only between husband and wife appropriately expressed within the bonds of marriage. Any other sexual contact, including fornication, adultery, and homosexual and lesbian behavior, is sinful. (Read more about controlling sexual behavior.)

Life Choices