What does it mean to resolve Same-sex Attraction?
The goal is to resolve the issues that created the same-sex attractions, including reducing or eliminating same-sex desires, eliminating homosexual behavior, and developing a secure sense of self and male identity.
Resolving same-sex attraction does not mean learning to suppress the feelings and control the behavior through willpower. The goal is to resolve the issues that created the same-sex attractions in the first place and now continue to sustain them. A transition out of same-sex attraction might include the following:
- reducing or eliminating same-sex desires.
- eliminating homosexual behavior.
- developing a secure sense of self and male identity.
Desires
As men begin to resolve their same-sex attractions, they note that their sexual attractions toward men significantly decrease. They may reach the point where they are no longer sexually attracted to men at all. Others may continue to be attracted to men as strongly as before, but they can learn to cope with the attractions without being overwhelmed by them.
Many men still experience some feelings or attractions from time to time, but they are able to deal with them with a minimum of anxiety and they do not dominate their lives or behavior. Over time, the feelings diminish both in number and intensity until it becomes easy to dismiss these fleeting thoughts, much like they do any other unwanted thought that enters their minds. As Joe Dallas describes, for most men these desires are "reduced from a major issue into a minor one, a problem that does not dominate their lives or keep them from experiencing healthy friendships, healthy marriage, and peace of mind. If it is still a problem to them, it’s only one of many; they don’t struggle with it daily and they seldom give it serious thought. For them, the battle is not even considered a battle anymore." (Dallas, p. 47)
Most who try to resolve their same-sex attractions find that heterosexual feelings awaken or increase within them.
Behavior
With a greater understanding of their issues, men with same-sex struggles recognize they can choose to avoid sexual activity with other men and are able to control their actions. The comforting news is that as you resolve deeper issues, you will find that your compulsions to act out diminish and in many cases disappear. As time passes, homosexual behavior becomes less and less appealing, and in some cases even repulsive.
If you have been heavily involved in sexual behavior for a number of years, you will have a greater struggle overcoming habits and sexual addictions. But if you are sincerely motivated and make a significant effort, you can overcome these addictions.
Identity
You may be attracted to other men because of a distorted view of yourself and others. You can develop a healthy self image as an individual with endless potential. With increased levels of self-acceptance, your feelings of self-worth and masculinity will increase, you will begin to see your value in relation to other men, and stop comparing yourself with other men. As you become more pro-active rather than reactive, you will be able to develop increasingly healthy relationships with men and sexual attractions will decrease.